How to Stop Trying

Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m trying to make it work,” and thought, “That sounds like a great idea”? Probably not. Because the thing about trying is that it’s tiring; it’s labor. Anyone who has tried to have fun or to relax or to fall asleep knows this to be true. And yet: we exist within a culture that encourages us—often with a frantic urgency—to try, and try harder. We are told to try a different approach, try to do or be better, try to squeeze in a little bit more. This is especially true of women, who not only have to try harder than men to receive access to the same opportunities and resources, but who are also conditioned to try in the name of meeting others' needs and expectations, often at the expense of their own well-being. In this galvanizing and illuminating read, Kate tackles hustle culture head-on, exploring the ways in which women are primed to become relentless strivers. From the workplace to motherhood, from relationships to “self-care”—no arena of a woman’s life is safe from the pressure to exceed expectations. This conflation of self-worth with achievement, she argues, is both toxic and counterproductive, as the qualities we most seek—happiness, meaning, purpose—are not earned but rather owned. Known for her astute cultural analysis and pitch-perfect observations of generational trends, Williams takes readers on a journey rooted in her own struggle to divest from an overachieving identity, including the realizations that came in the wake of a painful fertility challenge. Deeply felt, passionately argued, and often laugh-out-loud funny, this is a book for every woman who has ever wondered what would happen if she stopped trying so hard—and just let go.

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